I am an Acne-Covered Caterpillar

I noticed something recently, and surprisingly, it’s not just happening to me. This may be an overgeneralization due to my limited availability to see people at all (come on, tiny university-town), but I’ve noticed that Asians have JUST STARTED PUBERTY. I’m not talking about growing tall, voice deepening, gonads developing kind of puberty per se, but more of the stereotypical awkward wonders of acne! It seems like since university started, all the Asians I know (including me, because I know myself) have developed a spotty complexion. My chin has become a magical elf forest of pimples. It is actually astounding how it manages to grow so much crap when I wash and tone my face twice a day, never touch my face without washing my hands, and don’t use makeup every day. Where the hell does it even get the materials to churn out all these little monsters! What is this, alchemy? Turning lead into gold! Little annoying pustules of gold! (Ew). Rather, turning nothing into ALL OF THESE THINGS GAHHH WHYYYY ASDJF;ASJDF;

(Let’s have an intermission. The reason why I am so worked up about this is because for my whole life, I have always prided myself in being the only one with perfect skin WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING MORE THAN WASHING IT WITH WATER. I would legit get compliments from strangers (which were sometimes a little creepy…) about how nice my skin was! They would ask what my secret is, and I’d be all “I HAVE NONE.” My mom always said, “I never had acne when I was little, so you have nothing to worry about! Your skin will always be this clear!” SHE LIED. LIAR. DAMMIT KARMA KFJD;DKAFSJ; T____T I don’t blame her. Somehow, western society turns people soft… For example, have you noticed that allergies are only common in North America? That’s a topic for another day; right now I’m busy talking about HOW MAD I AM THAT MY PERFECT SKIN HAS TURNED INTO THIS SEURAT PAINTING OF PIMPLES)

So back on topic. I noticed that a lot of my Asian friends have had similar difficulties with taming their skin recently. One theory is, of course, stress. Holy balls, peeps weren’t kidding when they said university has a shit-ton of work… (Before any of you say “hey, you’re in arts, you don’t have any work!” lemme tell you a story: FUCK YOU.) We don’t drink or party, yet there’s still never enough time to do anything… We’re not watching Asian dramas the whole time I promise… My second theory is the puberty thing! It’s possible that we’re only experiencing pizza face now at this delayed (and frankly, terrible) timing because we age differently or something. Wow, now this sounds racist. No but seriously, it seems like all of my Caucasian friends have grown out of their awkward teenage cocoon and emerged as a fucking beautiful butterfly (good God, everyone is pretty), but I’m de-evolving into a caterpillar… AN ACNE-COVERED CATERPILLAR.

As you can see, I am not taking this whole skin thing very well. It’s actually quite cruel how life has lulled me into a false sense of security, making me think that I’ve somehow dodged a bullet, and then BAM the bullet pulls a 180 and shoots me in the back of the head. Oh God, I’ve never had chicken pox either, that better not be a boomerang…

P.S. I refuse to use gross chemically products like Proactiv or benzoyl peroxide because I’M NOT PART OF THE SYSTEM!!! (I may not seem like it, but I’m really for them all-natural products and such…)

P.P.S. Asians reading this: please don’t take offence! It’s just me derping around with observations because I notice random things like this (not like I have work to do… just a few major papers and such…).

So what do you think the reason is for this acne epidemic? Yes, I am calling it an epidemic. Don’t try to be all “mmm nawww I don’t gots nah pimplez,” ‘cause I see them gurl, or guy! I see dem… Your pimples can’t hide from me… Okay yes it’s sleepy-time for me…